EMC's Meaning of Life?

Jo Maitland

He's dressed up in pounds of prosthetic fat, his waist five feet in diameter, and he's throwing up. We're talking high-pressure projectile vomit that's splattering everywhere. In the end, after a full meal of everything on the menu plus several crates of ale, the waiter asks, "Would you like an after dinner mint? It's wafer thin."

Mr. Creosote slips the after dinner mint into his mouth and explodes, coating the other diners with buckets of gunk.

EMC [Corp.] has been gorging on smaller companies for years, close to 30 since 1999 for a total of well over $8 billion. Could its next acquisition be the thin mint that makes Mr. Creosote, ahem, Tucci, explode?

Here's the list of announced acquisitions in chronological order starting with the most recent EMC whopper.

  • RSA Security -- Secure ID cards -- $2.1 billion -- June 2006
  • ProActivity -- Business process management software -- $30 million -- June 2006
  • nLayers -- Application discovery software -- $50 million -- June 2006
  • Akimbi Systems -- Change management testing software -- Not disclosed -- June 2006
  • Kashya -- Heterogeneous replication software -- $153 million -- May 2006
  • Interlink -- Microsoft-focused services -- Not disclosed -- May 2006
  • Authentica -- Digital rights management software -- Not disclosed
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