And now for something really funny: On the way to a storage trade show, an airliner has terrible trouble. The pilot comes on the PA, and in an obvious panic starts shouting: "We're all going to die!" The passengers begin screaming. One gentleman runs to the cockpit and proceeds to calm the situation in a matter of seconds, making everyone feel better--including the pilot who gets his act together and starts reacting appropriately. After making a successful crash landing, the shaken pilot seeks out the passenger with the calming influence, shakes his hand and says, "You saved me and hundreds of other people up there. How could you possibly be so calm and collected in the face of immediate death and destruction?" "Easy," said the man. "I work for Microsoft. If I panicked every time something blew up, I'd never get anything done."
Not that Cisco went out if its way to hire executives with questionable backgrounds, but I understand the new marketing message is: "Buy Cisco, or you'll sleep with the switches."
Continuing with our theme of highlighting
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storage vendor BS, here's a little ditty inspired by my good friend, Duncan, a VC with too much free time.
50 ways to grow your NAS box
The problem is all inside your head he said to me
The answer is easy if you do it "virtually"
Get the benefits of standards-based IP
There must be 50 ways to grow your NAS box
Seems I'm walking with a scowl upon my face
Must be in need of a global namespace
It totally sucks when I do a migrate
There must be 50 ways to grow your NAS box
Just plug on the Net, Chet
Set your IP, Lee
Bring up the mount, Count
And point it at me
Throw out the salesguy
Hope the bastard does die
Lying schmuck said this would fly
Shame on me
Just a plug out the back, jack
Must have been smoking crack
I want my files back
Before the boss sees
"A simplified mount point"
Must have been smoking a joint
Sounded like heaven
Now they're Chapter 11
Finally, isn't it about time that vendors start giving out pants at trade shows, as opposed to shirts? I have enough shirts, but could use some Intel Inside pants. Of course, we couldn't wear Microsoft pants--we'd all end up in the hospital with one virus after another. And EMC pants would be no good because I'm sure the pockets would have holes in them. Sun would probably miss the marketing opportunity and ship underwear. Veritas would give you the pants for free, but if you didn't pay maintenance, the fly would stop working. 2
This was first published in November 2003